Saturday, October 30, 2010

It's a no-win situation!

My Grandma passed away mid of this year... she was 97, solid as a rock.  God took her away quickly, her pain was short lived.

Her daughter-in-law on the other hand had been plagued with illness for such a long time.  Every ailment you could think of, she has it.  She could not even walk without help ... and lately she needed 2 helpers to lift her almost lifeless body around. Carrying her weight was exhausting for my cousin and her maid.

My aunt worries about my cousin who is single... who is going to look after her (what an irony) , who is going to be there for her.  My cousin it seems had no luck with men and through her adult life, she somehow took on the burden alone to care for her then ailing dad, grandma and now mum.  She had no social life. she found a job that allows her to stay home most of the time to be with the elderly.  She could not even go to the supermarket without them wondering what time she will get home.

What struck me and made my heart hurt was when my cousin said ... "when my mum dies, my mission in life would be over".  She cared for the 3 elderly and one by one they left her.  All 3 loved her an awful lot.  I felt so sorry for her when she uttered those words. She had siblings, but  I just realized how alone she was!

I have a brother, but his thoughtlessness made me see red.  He had never bothered to visit my parents, nor check up on them.  I thought I was alone!  There are so many others out there, who are burdened, elderly whose children does not care a hoot if they lived or died.... like my mum said, " Don't cry at my funeral".  

Now back to my aunt. She was tested 2 days ago on a blockage in her colon.  Now they have been told she might have to remove her colon and uterus.  How long can that weak body sustain such abuse?  Leave the problem and she might suffer from internal bleeding ... take it out it will only weaken her body substantially.

Fear of death consumes her ... her fear of leaving her beloved daughter cuts like a knife into her sad heart.  

What do we say to her that could appease her?  Where is God for her? 

"What is the unity of the mystic? That he be as a lifeless body
in front of God ... in a state of annihilation from his self and
from people's expectations ..., devoid of sense-perception and 
bodily movement, so that Truth may fulfil what It had willed 
for him, namely: that his end will return to his beginning, and 
that he be as he was before he was... Unity means to come out
of the confinement of temporality into the spaciousness and the
expanses of timelessness."                                            


  1. I am so sorry to hear this. Al-Junayd's quote is perfect.

    We are confined in this heavy burdened earth bound body but it is only temporary. Feels like forever sometimes. Your cousin is feeling a multitude of things I'm sure.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  2. I am still in deep grief over the loss of my son. I hate to say it but I asked where was God. I still wonder, but I am more determined than ever to love and care for what I have. So often the elderly are forgotten. I think that is such a terrible thing. I know I'm rambling but you show what a good heart that you have. Love is the reason we live.

  3. HI I read this I thought of Susan Boyle. Her life revolved around her mother but funny that when her mother died...her life took on a life...a whole new world opened for her...her dreams came to reality. Who knows what's around the corner for this woman...

  4. Just hold her hand and talk of happy things which she imparted to all of you. You can light her up for some time atleast.

    Joy an dmuch love,

  5. Interesting post. Thanks for sharing Gaia.

  6. Since she has lived for others so long, it is probably time to find a new meaning of/for her life, a time to live and find herself.

    Seems like that for most of us, we are not given just a single course in life but eventually we are forced to live(feel) life in other ways.

    I was just thinking that one course is too easy for the Creator who made us and we were made to experience more.

  7. I really don't have any sage advice here. I do think that there is a Grand Design at work. It is always hard to see when you are living right in the middle of it. Kind of a forest for the trees scenario. It is only after it has all passed that any clarity is possible. However, I think someone who spent her life taking care of so many will get many blessings. And now you know her concerns about her daughter. Maybe that will forge a bond that wasn't there before. Sometimes people don't need "help" so much as they just need to not feel alone. You can provide that for her and she for you.

  8. Thanks for stopping by my blog...

    I had to read your quote about mystics many times. Very deep. Sometimes I feel like what the quote says. My Spirit is so held back in this temporal body and wants to be with God. :)
    Funny, I was called a mystic by someone one time?


  9. Your cousin sounds like a hard-working and compassionate woman. I'll say a special prayer for your aunt and your cousin. I'll pray that God has a very important purpose for your cousin after her mama passes.

  10. So good of you to stop by and leave me a comment. How sad it is for some families to not share in each other's lives, good or bad. A mother can take great care of four children. Four children can't take care of a mother.

  11. Blessed are the caregivers! I believe that God has an extra special reward waiting in heaven for them...


Love to hear from you! Blessings always

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